I just woke up from a horrible nightmare. Barely able to sleep, and with what little sleep I have been able to get from absolute exhaustion before my body totally shuts down it has been constantly visited with nightmares. I see myself. I see the day turning into night. I see his face, over and over. Once a face I knew that was filled with joy, and glory, then violently the scene changes to a face so bloody and horrifically beaten I can hardly Identify him, except there is still that glory. That unmistakable glory..... Then I see the scene changing to that horrible cross! Those horrible soldiers, and my horrible self that did NOTHING to stop it!? I then see myself throwing myself to the Earth prostrate and broken crying out these questions over the body of my Master... How am I one you called friend!? Who am I??? Why! Why did you do this!? How can I even be here in prayer and waiting with such anticipation when I didn't even wash the wounds of your breathless body??? Then the scene changes to a bright light and I see the face I once knew yet a crown that contains the universe in it.... I then awake every time, sweating and in tears. Hours have passed and now have turned into three days. It feels like an eternity, since that dreadful night. I relive it even in my sleep yet though I know he is secured behind that stone, and in that tomb, I can't break the presence as if he is here even now.... I have ate with the others. Drank some of this coffee Peter, brewed yet it's as bitter as my dreams. Most of my friends here can fish yet they leave much to be desired in the cooking department. I am thinking the miracle of the fish and loaves though awesome and loving to feed the multitudes was such a great thing; I actually believe it was one of the only selfish things that Yahshua, had ever done because he didn't have to endure Peter's coffee and the rest of us cooking for nearly two days due to left overs. Though he could have spoke anything into existence he still suffered our cooking at times and above all suffered our company.... Here now he has suffered all the more and for what!? Yes! I am angry. I am broken yet again can't avoid this absolute feeling of assurance. If this one who we have known to do such great things is indeed Yehovah, in flesh; how can he be dead? How could we have killed him??? I remember those piercing words he thundered in the court room, when he said; "Not one of you can take my life. There is not one who can take my life, yet I lay it down." Why!? Why! What was the purpose??? I know he used the Sabbath dinning and it just happened to be Pesach (Passover) when he broke the bread, and said this was his body, and poured each cup, and mentioned it was his blood. At the time I couldn't see it because I didn't want to. I went back to traditions. I made myself num with Passover Seders of old, and focused on the literal sacrifices of the lamb, before and even the one we had that night than to think that this one, whom I love would compare himself to a sacrifice for atonement which could mean only one thing.... Blood, Death, and Ransom.... Here we are and nothing! Still the foot patrols make their rounds. How the women even made it out of this house and on their way to the tomb is beyond me. They are insane! Don't they know the danger!? Don't they know it Shabbat!? It's been hours since they have been gone perhaps I should try to locate them? No doubt they are by the tomb yet the guards will see them! I must go before even more happens and I can't take loosing anyone else. What if Yahshua, is actually.....dead....could it be? Stop! These thoughts of doubt must stop! He said the last cup, he wouldn't drink until we were with him, in His kingdom. He can't drink if he's dead. Just then the women and a couple Disciples, return shouting praises and barely could speak! I couldn't believe what I was hearing yet at the same couldn't believe that I didn't believe it! They are reporting that Yahshua, is ALIVE!? He is not in the tomb!? When!? What!? How!? Just then the Kodesh of Yehovah God, filled the entire place we were hiding out in waiting. Then appeared before us all the glorious and awesome sight of King Jesus Yahshua Ha'Meshiac! I felt like time stopped! Then as he greeted everyone I felt as if my heart was torn out of my chest when he looked at me with the same eyes, when he said: "Follow me" yet this time he said: "Touch and feel, know I AM that I AM!" I thought my soul was going to separate from my flesh by touching him, however there was a connection when I touched his pierced hands that opened my eyes and provided me revelation I never had before. I was no longer afraid. I no longer doubted. I was filled with absolute courage and boldness! We spent a few more days with King Jesus Yahshua Ha'Meshiac, then he said in the same tone as he stated he would raise himself from the grave, that he would return again. He commissioned us to go and testify of what we have experienced, and preach the Gospel of the Kingdom and Revelation of Messiah. I often have been called the "doubter" yet I hope you will know it was not unbelief as much as it was undeserving and complete unworthiness for me. This hindered me while waiting for his return from the grave yet it will not hinder me no longer awaiting his soon second coming! Don't allow yourself to allow unworthiness to prevent you from having relationship with Yehovah! Take it from me, if he said he will be back. He WILL be back. Don't be taken off guard like I was. Know that if I could be called to the Master's Discipleship, you can be too! Thank you for hearing my story friends, and know you are desired and there is a call unto you from the same Master, King Jesus Yahshua Ha'Meshiac, Instructioning you; "Follow Me!" Sincerely, - Thomas I hope you have enjoyed these three segments of short stories. Know that if you need someone to pray with you. I am here for you. Hear the call of the Master! "Pick up your cross, and follow me!" Blessings and Shalom! HcH Your servant in Yehovah
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